Look at me! I’m making things!
PortsCenter returns from its brief hiatus to bring you a look at one of the biggest arcade games of the 90s, running on a computer that really isn’t up to the challenge.
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Robert Ramnauth, Nightmare Mode: “Characters that Count”
This, ladies and gentlemen, is how you do it right. Shadow of the Colossus came out eight years ago, and Robert has absolutely zero interest in spoiling it for anyone who either hasn’t played it yet or hasn’t finished it. As it should be. Nicely done, Robert.
Just a reminder that I’ll be attending the Geek Media Expo in Nashville, TN in about a month and a half - October 26th-28th - as a special guest. Have they lost their minds? Quite possibly, but I hope to earn my place on their roster.
I’ll be giving a one-hour talk-y presentation-y thing on videogame ports, which may or may not require volunteers from the audience (I’m still up in the air on that one - do I use edited video footage of games, or have volunteers play the games on-stage?). I’ll also be participating in a Doctor Who panel, and another panel on webcomics - because, y’know, I write two webcomics.
It promises to be a great weekend. If you’re not interested in going to see me, perhaps you’ll go to see Doug Walker, Veronica Belmont, Rob Paulsen, Ellen McLain, Billy West, Amber Nash, or the Two Guys From Andromeda. They’ll all be there. With me. We’re on the same guest list and everything.
Crikey.
(Image via the portscenter Tumblr)
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Heading to the Geek Media Expo this October? So is PortsCenter!
This year the fourth GMX takes place in Nashville, Tennessee. There are a number of cool guests with a ton of geek cred, including voice actors like Rob Paulsen and Billy West, actors such as Star Trek: Voyager’s Garrett Wang and Marilyn Ghigliotti of Clerks fame, and internet personalities such as “That Guy With the Glasses” Doug Walker.
Oh, and me. No, really.
Not only will I be at GMX this year, but I’ll also be hosting a one-hour presentation on videogame ports, looking at a few specific titles as well as going into a bit of the history of how, and why, some ports are so radically different from others. It’ll be a sort-of kitbash of PortsCenter, a stand-up comedy show, and a PowerPoint presentation.
I’ll also, in theory, be participating in a couple of Doctor Who panels as well.
GMX haven’t announced their schedule yet, but keep an eye on their programming page for updates. I’ll also be updating this post with details once they’re available.
See you in Nashville!
The PortsCenter Kickstarter is now live
We’re trying to raise $4,200 to produce a 13-episode season. Haven’t seen the pilot yet? Go ahead and watch it now - [Clean version] [Sweary version]
We have some awesome rewards in place, including signed headshots from voice actor Dino Andrade (Batman: Arkham Asylum, World of Warcraft, Hellsing Ultimate) and an exclusive yet-to-be-revealed cart from the wonderful team over at 72Pins.com.
We also have stretch goals in mind, but more on those as we approach our base target.
If you’re able to help us reach our goal, please consider pledging. You can also help us by reblogging this post and sharing the link on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and so on.
Thanks!
A little shameless self-promotion, here. If you can help fund this project, you’ll win my adoration and respect. Well, my adoration, at least. Well… maybe.
I address some of the criticism I’ve received for the post, and elaborate a little on some of the points I made.
Thanks, Mike Chambers!
Oy. A year and a half after I dissected Greg Miller’s, frankly, embarrassing review of Dead Space 2, and to this day I still get comments and emails from people telling me I’m wrong without really elaborating on why that might be. Which is fine, because much like talking about feminism brings out people people who describe themselves as “Men’s Rights Activists” thus making it easier to identify them as morons, anyone who comes to the defense of Greggy’s Dead Space 2 review is, basically, yeah.
Today’s activity takes the biscuit, though, earning it a much-coveted spot in the “hate mail” tag.
My rage is now bilingual.
Fuck Videogames
Fuck videogames.
Fuck developers. Fuck them for not giving a shit about their consumers. Fuck them for instating draconian DRM that seems to get worse and worse every year. Fuck them for requiring people have an always-on connection to the internet in order to play a fucking single-player game. Fuck developers for paying voice actors as little as $250 for voicing the principal character in their AAA game, for not paying residuals, and for convicing SAG that they don’t need to pay residuals because “games don’t make money.” Fuck developers for not giving a fuck. Fuck developers for slapping a new coat of paint on an old game and selling it at full price. Fuck them for doing this every year, like clockwork, for the better part of two decades. Fuck developers for not taking risks.
Fuck publishers for mandating developers do much of the above. Fuck publishers for pushing for annualization, for ruining great ideas by interfering with them, for not letting developers take risks, for killing great games’ potential with awful, awful marketing. Fuck publishers for not asking CryTek UK to make a new TimeSplitters game. Fuck publishers for charging $60+ for games that lose 70% of their value as soon as you walk out of the store with them, then having the temerity to blame used game sales for “destroying the industry.” Fuck publishers for buying developers, gutting them of their resources and culture, then shuttering them when their next game isn’t the runaway success you inexplicably expected it to be. Fuck publishers for milking franchises to death, for over-saturating the market, then acting shocked when people don’t want to buy your games anymore.
Fuck videogame journalists for letting developers and publishers get away with this shit. Fuck videogame news sites, blogs and magazines for being so utterly dependent on ad revenue that they daren’t say anything negative lest the publishers pull their advertising. Fuck them for being so dependent on ad revenue they’ll post anything, anything to get pageviews. Fuck videogame journalists who actually consider themselves to be journalists. Fuck critics who think 7 out of 10 is an appropriate score for a mediocre game. Fuck critics who wax lyrical about a game throughout a review only to include it in their “Most Disappointing Games of the Year” list come December. Fuck videogame journalists for hooting and hollering like drunken fratboys during press conferences and trade shows. Fuck the gaming press for being part of the machine they’re supposed to be reporting on.
Fuck gamers. Fuck gamers for vocally complaining about this bullshit but doing absolutely nothing about it. Fuck gamers for complaining about DRM in one breath, then offering developers your money in the next. Fuck gamers for acting like they give a shit, but then voting in favour of the shit they claim to give a shit about with their wallets. Fuck gamers for not demanding better. Fuck gamers for not deserving better.
Fuck me for thinking they did. Fuck me for imagining that maybe someone else out there actually gave a fuck. Fuck me for writing this, for giving the games industry so much of my money over the last twenty years, and for thinking that maybe things could - and would - improve in time.
Fuck videogames.
QUOTED FOR TRUTH: Jeroen Amin, Piki Geek: Editorial: On Crytek, Opinions, and Official Statements [April 30th, 2012]
More to the point, is this how we want it to work? Is this what we’re content with? Because it seems very much that we are, and that’s perhaps even more depressing.
Read this article. It’s heartbreaking to anybody who actually gives a shit about games as opposed to, y’know, pageviews.




![portscenter:
The PortsCenter Kickstarter is now live
We’re trying to raise $4,200 to produce a 13-episode season. Haven’t seen the pilot yet? Go ahead and watch it now - [Clean version] [Sweary version]
We have some awesome rewards in place, including signed headshots from voice actor Dino Andrade (Batman: Arkham Asylum, World of Warcraft, Hellsing Ultimate) and an exclusive yet-to-be-revealed cart from the wonderful team over at 72Pins.com.
We also have stretch goals in mind, but more on those as we approach our base target.
If you’re able to help us reach our goal, please consider pledging. You can also help us by reblogging this post and sharing the link on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and so on.
Thanks!
A little shameless self-promotion, here. If you can help fund this project, you’ll win my adoration and respect. Well, my adoration, at least. Well… maybe.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7qq87jC111qiefqso1_500.png)