Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits: Archive

Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits

June 2010

359 posts

It's a Nissan Dragonball bus! But it's not a game... →

darknessandstarlight: gamejournos: I weep for humanity. You know, I used to just accept the fact that Ashcraft posts irrelevant bollocks on that shitstain of a site, but now I can’t. I really can’t accept the fact that he’s still getting paid to do so. It’s so far beyond a joke now. Please Kotaku, fire this man. Sadly, Bashcraft’s posts probably bring in a fair bit of cash for...

It's a Nissan Dragonball bus! But it's not a game... →

I weep for humanity.

Brian Ashcraft has no fucking clue what... →

This is about The Hobbit movie. A movie. Well, two movies. Two movies based on one book. It’s not a game. I mean, there has been a Hobbit game, but this has nothing to do with that. Kotaku, Gawker Media, I beg you. I implore you. Please, please sack Brian Ashcraft. The guy is a fucking moron. You would be saving yourselves a lot of hassle and, most importantly, a lot of money if you...

May 2010

357 posts

“Good news, everyone! While the Prince couldn’t unseat an overblown troll...”

– Kotaku: Prince Of Persia’s Box Office Debut Was…Pretty Good [Update] [May 31st, 2010] Wow. Bitter much? I’m sure Luke Plunkett usually likes Shrek when it’s not in direct competition with a movie based on a videogame. Also! Bonus points for describing the irredeemably...

Platform Nation waits until EVERYONE ELSE IN THE... →

Reading this GamesRadar article on "Unwanted... →

I feel stupider already!

“Sex appeal, grizzly bears with serious attitude and kick-ass robots whose...”

– GamesRadar: Misleading game box art [May 31st, 2010] No. Just… just no.

GamesRadar's latest masterpiece is a list of... →

Which is nice, I suppose. Wait, no. Sorry. It’s not nice at all. The entire article is the construct of a deranged mind.

Destructoid Bacon Watch: Day 4 - Sans bacon

Four days after Dale North reveals that he’d quite happily blog about bacon if it’s what gamers want, and Destructoid is still sans bacon. I’ve hung out with enough gamers to know that, actually, they are rather fond of bacon - the makers of Bacon Salt wouldn’t have wasted time exhibiting at PAX if they didn’t think it was a worthwhile event for them to attend, after...

“Over at MTV Movies Blog, David Hayter, voice of Metal Gear Solid’s Snake...”

– Kotaku: Here’s Why Video Game Movies Don’t Work [May 31st] I know I said I’d be going after bad jokes less often, but holy fucking balls this is terrible.

Voltron producer dies. →

This isn’t gaming news, you daffy bastard.

Iron Man shoes? Oh boy! Can't wait for the game,... →

If I wanted to read about Iron Man, I’d find an Iron Man blog. If I wanted to read about sneakers, I’d find a shoe blog.

Dennis Hopper played Bowser in the Mario Bros.... →

Another installment of Kotaku's "Top 5 List of Top... →

I’ve previously referred to these lists as “Zen Bullshit Journalism”, and I will continue to do so until they stop posting this kind of bullshit.

Kotaku asks whose car sports this “GRSOFWAR"...

semprafi: Whose car is this? Holy shit, I must know. Kotaku’s Brian Ashcraft — please tell me! Someone living in North Carolina has a license with “GRSOFWAR,” and that is the hometown of Epic Games, makers of Gears of War. Deductive logic go! Naturally this is relevant to my interests as a gamer, right?! Oh, looks like this was another non-story again. And the “DudeHuge” meme is seriously...

Ben Dutka's "Week In Review" may be the most... →

Picking on the Hyperbolic Fanboy Echo Chamber that is PSX Extreme is perhaps an unfair act. It’s shooting fish in a barrel. No, it’s thinking that a barrel might have fish in it and preemptively nuking the barrel for good measure. It’s not just the article itself, either. The articles it links to are particularly dire. For instance, Dutka declared that there’s a PS3...

In what may be the weirdest competition ever,... →

What’s weirder, though? Destructoid giving the costume away as a prize, or the way in which the contest winner is going to explain the acquisition of such a thing?

Oh look, a Tron hoodie! →

Rockstar boss has pink bike. Brian Crecente heard... →

DualShockers have received their E3 badges.... →

“A page for Duke Nukem Manhattan Project has appeared on Xbox.com, all but...”

– Destructoid: Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project confirmed for XBLA [ May 28th, 2010] Not only is it slightly ridiculous to refer to the appearance of the game on Xbox.com as “all but confirming” when that can be taken as a confirmation of sorts, the first line of the article seems to...

“Black Ops will be big, analyst expects”

– That VideoGame Blog: Black Ops will be big, analyst expects [May 28th, 2010] Really? No shit?

Gary Coleman is dead. He did some voices in a game... →

Edit: Fixed a typo - I mistyped “gaming” as “gamign”. Thank you to Kotaku’s Owen Good for pointing it out. Your article is still irrelevant, by the way.

A brief thank you

I broke the 200 Tumblr followers barrier earlier this week. I’m not entirely sure when. I presently have 206 followers here, and I have 286 followers on Twitter. If I use the game industry’s method of tallying end-users based on product sales then that means I have a grand total of 492 followers. So, yes. Thanks for that.

"High School Swaps Out Textbooks For iPads"?... →

“I am a big fan of the ever humorous Lego style games like Lego Indiana Jones,...”

– DualShockers: Lego Harry Potter Year Four Vignette [May 28th, 2010] This is just… bad writing. How this guy gets paid to do this job, I will never know. Edit: When I originally posted the quote I forgot to include the link to the article. I’ve just added it now. Transparency!

PSX Extreme naturally posts the "PlayStation Move... →

Oh, Ben Dutka. Why are you such a tool?

1UP also posts Rockstar's "nothing ever seen in a... →

Worms HD for iPad! Yay! Oh, wait - Platform... →

Sony insists that the Wii controller they're... →

And he makes a fair point! The PS3 “Move” remote controller has a great big ball on the end of it. The Wii remote doesn’t! There, see? Completely different.

GamesRadar presents a list of 8 things they think... →

I mean, really they’re all great, but I have a hate-filled vendetta against GamesRadar. Actually that was a joke.

Developer describes part of new game as "like... →

Somehow this has been filed under “news”. Gaming journalists are usually much better than this - particularly the guys over at CVG! - so I can only assume this is an unfortunate error.

Not only is Kotaku reposting a non-story, but they... →

I mean, for fucks sake, Brian. If you’re going to repost someone else’s manure at least try to plant a few flowers in it first. Or maybe try to cover up the smell. This post is tantamount to “Hey look at this OK BAI”. I expect better. Or worse. I forget how it is with you.

Wooden Robot. Japan. Photo. Kotaku. Brian... →

Company co-founder believes company's next big... →

Here’s a tip, game journalists of the world: please don’t jizz your pants and maek poasts every time a developer, publisher or PR guy says “Hey, this next game we’re working on? Best game ever. It’ll be compelling, gripping, awesome, the best game ever. Honest. Really. Even better than the other game we said would be the best game ever.”

"Chinese iPad Rip-Off" is my favourite video game... →

Only joking! It’s not really a game (although, Interesing Sidenote, I would play the shit out of a game where you run a Chinese company that makes rip-offs of pre-existing products and services). File under “This shit should be on Gizmodo, you fuckers.”

Starcraft was mentioned on a South Korean soap! TO... →

bashcraft really will find any excuse to post... →

Iron-Baby. I can't wait for the game, etc. etc. →

The case of Kotaku and the Irrelevant Murder →

Like many children of the late 80s/early 90s, I too was once roped in to the shoddy animation and poorly-written stories of ThunderCats. I even played and, I am told, thoroughly enjoyed the rather awful Amiga game based on the cartoon, even though a recent replay of the game a few years ago ended with me wanting to punch every single person who had worked on the game and the TV show. I...

Sad that "Lose Your Boner Wednesday" was... →

"Action figures!" said Mike Fahey, lighting a... →