Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits: Archive

Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits

July 2010

184 posts

The Fuckwit Has Landed

PSX Extreme dropped a gem →

This is a guest post about the above link written by one of my many anonymous tipsters who strangely only ever emails me when they’re drunk. The email is amusing enough for me to post it on the site verbatim (with the tipster’s consent, of course). For reference: The quotes are from the article, the commentary is by the tipster. There’s nothing I hate more than wasting money...

“I wrote about something that mattered a lot to 4chan, especially /v/: the...”

– Former Kotaku intern Lauren Orsini in a post on her personal blog about a Kotaku post she wrote in May about the Pokémon Black & White starter Pokémon meme. Not ignoring Lauren’s hard-learned lesson about thick skin (and hey, a lot of game journos could stand to learn a similar lesson! Am...

Tyler Christensen manages to squeeze an entire... →

A whole article. An article that long. Thpfpfpfpfpfp.

Epic's Mark Rein talks about better ways to... →

The headline? Rein: “Triple-A isn’t going away, it’s going everywhere” Well yeah, obviously Triple-A titles aren’t going anywhere, and obviously the trend towards broader releases of games is only going to… well, to broaden. Why focus on the two most obvious things Rein says when he’s trying to make a bigger, better point? Oh VG247. I am, as usual, disappoint.

“It’s Worms, in 3D at last!”

– Iain Lee on the long defunct British TV game magazine show Thumb Bandits in 2001, talking about Worms Blast - a 2D puzzle spin-off from the 2D turn-based strategy series. [Yes, alright, it’s old and virtually impossible to source, but it just popped into my head and I wanted to share it.]

June 2010

359 posts

“In anticipation of next week’s release of Crackdown 2, MTV Multiplayer has...”

– That MTV Multiplayer’s Russ Frushtick put the article in question together in the first place is itself questionable. But do you want to know where the above quote comes from? The site I’ve pulled this block of text from? Do you? Do you wanna know? GamePolitics. That’s right, the...

OMG WORLD OF WARCRAFT IS GOING TO BE FREE NOW AND...

On the subject of subscription fees and “freemium” models for MMOs, here’s what World of Warcraft’s Lead Designer Tom Chilton said: If another game comes along and blows us away it may not make sense for us to have a subscription fee. Or even further down the line, when we have another MMO out. And: We’re not spending a lot of time thinking about it. It’s not...

“Sega is already selling its Genesis library all over the place (as downloads on...”

– Joystiq: Sega thinking about downloadable Saturn games [June 30th, 2010] Actually, Virtual On began life as a series of arcade games (as did Crazy Taxi, while we’re on the subject). Fact-checking! UPDATE: JC has since updated the post to reflect the correct information and he edited the post...

GamesRadar's asinine "Game URLs that don't go... →

Well, what else would you expect from Tyler “Tyler Wilde” Wilde?

“Do you own a video game console? Then you might have more to do with the bloody,...”

– Kotaku: Did Buying Your Gaming Console Help Fund War Atrocities in the Congo? [June 30th, 2010] I’m on the fence with this one. On one hand this is a genuine issue and one that people should be made aware of, so I commend Brian Crecente for deciding to write about this instead of, say, how...

“Part of Miyamoto’s image is that he’s just a regular guy! And that...”

– Kotaku: Mario Creator Doesn’t Need Your Stinking Money [June 30th, 2010] This is not a repeat, or even an edited version, of the story we featured yesterday. This is Bashcraft being clearly ignorant - perhaps deliberately so. Using one decade-old interview with a British newspaper as his...

Trying to refine our focus

Y’know what? I’m getting fed up of posting links to articles on gaming sites that aren’t anything to do with games. Anyone else remember when I used to do fact-busting and “Why the Hell are you latching onto this dumbass rumour” posts? Yeah, me too. The trouble is I’m scouring through so many blogs and sifting through so many news articles that I really...

Wonder Woman has changed her outfit, becomes CFO... →

Okay, only half of that is true.

Japanese press interview soccer player's mother.... →

Well, not really. At all. Ever. Why are we being subjected to this, Bashcraft? Oh yes, because it’s Japanese.

G4's Moye Ishimoto thinks Nintendo haven't milked... →

“Nintenants”? What the balls, Moye.

Wardrox's Collection of Thoughts: Waah Waah I'm... →

Have you ever read a reply to a reply to a reply of a reply? Well, you’re about to. John “Wardrox” Kershaw seems to think I’m making excuses for not starting a gaming review site, so let’s go over his brilliant critical analysis, shell we? Firstly, the free-games myth: Oh noes, you didn’t get the game a week early and for free! Your entitlement glands must be a...

“Researchers believe that ancient rock engravings found all over Europe are...”

– Kotaku: Prehistoric Man Enjoyed Prehistoric Movies [June 29th, 2010] And that was how Kotaku turned an article that had nothing to do with videogames into an article that still had nothing to do with videogames but somehow mentioned them anyway. MmHey.

Game Critics Critics "Worst of E3 2010" Announced

Every year, the Game Critics Critics Awards organization nominates several game journalists present at the annual E3 event as their worst participants of the show, and the articles being recognized have been announced today. The awards are divided into categories like “Worst Article in Show”, “Most Disgusting Article About Booth Babes” and… well, that’s it,...

“Time flies. I can easily remember when all three current consoles launched, but...”

– PSX Extreme: Is The PS3 The Only Console That Can Continue To Advance? [June 29th, 2010] Fanboys, eh? What to do with ‘em.

Tumblr Tuesday is here again. Your recommendation... →

I just want you to know that I love every single one of you. Sing, bitch.

Hate Mail 4: For a Good Time Kohlbecker

It’s been a good while since I had a proper piece of hate mail, and Loot Ninja’s Steve Kohlbecker did not disappoint. BEHOLD: Hey man: I saw your Tumblr post. Thanks for bashing the article. We all had a good laugh at your expense. Don’t take life too seriously. Some things are meant to be a joke. Your half assed blog trashing other people is funnier than anything I could ever...

“Then stop being Mr. Excuses and do it. It’s not hard, “being a good reviewer”...”

– John “Wardrox” Kershaw, in response to my dream of launching a game review site. There are a few things John doesn’t seem to have taken into consideration. Firstly, I… actually, I’ll bullet-point ‘em. I’m not a rich man. I don’t buy new games very...

UK retailer Currys is paying £10 per England goal... →

C’mon guys. You’re MCV. You’re supposed to be writing about gaming retail. This? This is TV retail connected to a sporting event. This has nothing to do with videogames. What the shitcock is wrong with you?

“When Kieron Gillen rightly pointed out that F.E.A.R. 2 was little other than...”

– NOT SHIT - The Escapist: 1984 out of 10 [June 29th, 2010] Occasionally I will point out examples of non-shitty journalism, and Peter Parrish’s article on the skewed review scale most websites use is exactly not shit. Essential reading. Stop what you’re doing and read it now. I will be...

Destructoid post video of slow-motion dog →

Dale North appears to have mistaken Destructoid for a blog about his shitty dog.

Is this the worst list of all time? Probably not,... →

I’ve never read Loot Ninja before, and I guarantee you I will never be reading it again. Yikes.

A brief aside - on the subject of Ubisoft's...

Last week I succumbed to Steam’s summer sale and bought the PC version of Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands for a mere $33 and change. Yes, I know, hardly a sensible use of my money especially considering their ridiculous DRM system, but there we are. What’s done it done. There was a weird technical issue, however - the game was disregarding my selected display settings and...

A Financial Assistant at Oklahoma State University... →

She also bought sex toys, so naturally Bashcraft is on the case.

Attractive Japanese voice actor who's been in... →

No clues, just have a guess. Don’t look in the tags. That’s cheating.

“The long-held belief is that Nintendo game designer Shigeru Miyamoto rides his...”

– Kotaku: Nintendo, Please Pay Mario’s Creator More Money [June 29th, 2010] Of course it’s “not the typical Nintendo company salary Miyamoto spoke of in 1999”. According to Reuters he was made Representative Director in 2002. Bashcraft seems stunned, perhaps even...

“Speaking to US TV show Good Game last night…”

– NowGamer: Microsoft: Milo Unlikely To See Release [June 29th, 2010] It’s an Australian show. You can tell because, if nothing else, the site linked in the quote above is a .net.au domain. I mean, that’s… that’s basic, Tom. Lawks.

Celebrity endorses game. →

“It is hardly a surprise that the cover of NCAA Football 11, out July 13, does...”

– Kotaku: No Eye Witnessing for Tebow on NCAA 11 Cover [June 28th, 2010] Yes, because Scripture and a telephone area code are pretty much the same thing. As for Fitzgerald: his appear to be nothing more than white lines (visions, dreams of passion).

andrealessi: Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits: Questions Nobody’s Asking II: Gears of War 3 (Liverpool nil) It’s a proven scientific fact that the skinnier a woman is, the greater her upper body strength. Amy Winehouse can bend lamp posts into lovehearts with her bare hands. Hahaha! Yes.

Computers... that think? it's less newsworthy than... →

Trust me. This isn’t news. Mmhey.

Questions Nobody's Asking II: Gears of War 3...

I’m all for gender equality, and the news that women would be hacking and slashing their way through the traditionally testosterone-fueled world of Gears of War filled me with a special sort of glee I usually reserve for chance meetings with Eric Roberts or discovering that there is not one but two free toys in my specially-marked box of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes. you have to understand,...

“I was 13 the first time I caught a glimpse of a woman’s bare breast in...”

– IGN: E3 2010: Why Do Booth Babes Exist? [June 25th, 2010]

Never have so many words said so little →

I’ve read this all the way through, and it’s… well… bluh.

And now, how to pick up chicks at a LAN Party... →

Stay classy, Kotaku.

Is this the single worst Top Ten list ever... →

Wow, NowGamer! You sure are subversive and edgy with your Top Ten list! I’m going to give you all the money dollars.

Kotaku review... an iPad stand? →

I can’t wait for etc.

PlayStation LifeStyle. Anthony Severino. Press... →

Copy+pasting from press releases is alright only if the press release is not available to the public or there is no alternative source. In this instance, boom.