Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits: Archive

Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits

October 2010

191 posts

Anonymous asked: NBA Elite 11 wasn't cancelled. It was delayed to next year.

Basketball player tweets thing, gets news coverage →

NBA Elite 11 cover-star Kevin Durant apparently found out about the game’s cancellation via Twitter, and then tweeted that he was disappointed in its cancellation. Owen Good, being the decent human being he is, decided not to post this as news because, well, it isn’t. Only joking! He wrote a huge article about it. NBA Elite 11, eh? I can’t wait for the game to come out.

“Being able to experience it in 3D must be a great joy for the players. Right now...”

– A Capcom spokesperson, saying something that is clearly marketing shpiel and not actual real actual news, but that still got reported by a number of gaming sites because said gaming sites gave up any pretense of bringing us real news a long time ago and are instead working to actively market games...

kirksnakedchest asked: Random note: Joystiq posted pictures of the new Xbox dashboard as soon as people got into the beta and pretty openly made fun of that little clause in the user agreement. Regardless of whether or not the big sites got in early, they still have no shame.

[Submission] A mysterious box from the past... →

Reader-submitted content follows: Dear Journalist Blogger: Enclosed is an advertisement, please post about it on your website as though it is a news story and not an advertisement.

September 2010

264 posts

I am informed by a number of sources that Kotaku, along with a number of other gaming press outlets, were given early access to the new Dashboard beta. It’s just people like me - y’know, the regular, normal bloggers - who can’t blog about the beta or talk to the press about it. Why we’d want to talk to the press about it when they can quite freely talk about it themselves...

Since there are other Brazilians following your...

Oh my. Ask me anything

It's only a bribe if you actually agree to allow a...

I could sit here and say things like “If it were me, I’d send the stuff back”, but I’ve received a few freebies here and there, so I’m no better. The only difference is it’s not going to influence any reviews I write because I’m not writing reviews of games. If anything I’m reviewing the reviewers who review the games. Would being given a copy of,...

Yet another misleading CVG headline →

FYI: CVG’s Google Cache links are still broken, so the above link points to their actual site. Their headline: Producer wants 3DS FFVII game But, of course, the actual article is about a Nintendo 3DS remake of Before Crisis: Final Fantasy VII, a mobile phone prequel to the popular PSone RPG.

“In a bit of irony, Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath which was an exclusive for the...”

– DualShockers: Remake of Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath to be PS3 Exclusive [September 29th, 2010] Erm, no it isn’t, Alix. If you actually read the quote you posted in your article you’ll notice this: One thing we can discuss in regard to the 360 version is the size of the game. On XBLA...

[Submission] Not shit: Scared to open the package:... →

I’ve had a couple of submissions about this. It’s an interesting article, to be sure. Reader-submitted content follows: Keep your eyes peeled for a cameo of Jim Sterling posing happily with his ill-gotten spoilers. Also, NCSoft makes a young Mike Fahey’s dreams come true, coincidentally at an event promoting their new game.

Game Journalists Are Cool Dudes #9: Games? →

This is the ninth edition of Lewie Procter’s “Game Journalists Are Cool Dudes”. Which is nice. If “Games?” is the question, then I suppose “Games?” is also the answer. It’s a monthly magazine, except it’s printed on pixels instead of paper, and you don’t have to give them any money to read their words. It’s put together by Ashton...

“There’s no doubt about it, the DS is on it’s last legs. You had a...”

– Destructoid: A look at what may be the last upcoming DS games [September 29th, 2010] The Game Boy still had titles coming out for it after the Game Boy Color hit the market. The GB Color had titles when the Advance hit. The Advance had titles coming out as recently as two years ago. New PS2 games...

Hydrophobia devs to Edge: 3 out of 10? Well... →

Edge Magazine gave Hydrophobia a 3 out of 10, which has immediately resulted in no small about of bitching from the developers who claim the reviewer didn’t play the game. This is why game reviews usually give average games a 6 or 7 out of 10. It keeps the developers and publishers happy, which means that they continue to send goodies and review copies and - perhaps most importantly - stops...

Anonymous asked: You've probably got a few submissions along these lines, but ... It's looking increasingly like the Codemasters title F1 2010 doesn't really have any AI in it: http://community.codemasters.com/forum/f1-2010-game-1316/431006-confirmed-race-ai-phoney.html

Here's my current count on the number of pro reviews which noticed this: 0

Credit to...

Nintendo 3DS Virtual Confusion

A whole bunch of Nintendo 3DS information was released today at Nintendo’s conference, including the exciting news that the console will have an online Virtual Console allowing the download of Game Boy and Game Boy Color games. However a number of websites jumped the gun and decided to report that the system’s Virtual Console also featured Game Boy Advance titles as well, although no...

[Submission] 1UP.com's FIFA 11 review →

Despite being British, I’m not much of a Ssoccer fan. In fact couple that with my general indifference to tea and my devil-may-care attitude towards scones the reasons for my departure from that damp land become abundantly clear. I don’t often catch retarded commentary in reviews of soccer games. Fortunately some of my readers do, and they let me know about it. For the first time...

“Uncharted 2 ‘Game of the Year’ Edition Unearthed”

– Shacknews (September 28th, 2010) Can you really “unearth” something that has been generally announced to the press and public? Is that really a discovery? Poor choice of words here, I feel.

Why the Samus Aran Burlesque story isn't "Not...

A few people have sent me the link to this Kotaku article about a Ladies of Sci-Fi Burlesque Show in which one of the performers dressed up as Metroid protagonist Samus Aran and proceeded to strip off her armour. A lot of people think this isn’t really newsworthy. I disagree. It’s 2010 and by now we’re used to seeing games like Super Mario Bros., Space Invaders and...

[Submission] Planescape: Torment has arrived on... →

Reader-submitted content follows: Body text: No, no, it’s really there. Translation: “All we’ve bothered to write is a headline, but we want the pageviews anyway. Here’s a very funny gag to mislead readers that took us five seconds to think up.” Justin McElroy got paid money for this.

It's Tumblr! It's Tuesday! It's Tumblr and... →

It’s time for the one day of the week when people say “Y’know, that ‘Game Journos’ blog isn’t that bad” and recommend the thing on Tumblr out of the kindness of their hearts. Which is nice. As an aside (because I’m painfully aware that these posts exist as little more than a promotional tool and if I can’t add any other value to it then I can...

“This is South Korean pop outfit Girls’ Generation. The ladies are not...”

– Kotaku: If Girls’ Generation Were 8-Bit [September 27th, 2010] (Google Cache link currently not yet active, will likely go live in the next hour or so) What indeed!

More ways that I am wrong

I was skeptical about PokéBeach’s claim that Nintendo had cease-and-desist’d them for posting pictures of the new Pokémon from the new Black & White versions, but GayGamer has a statement from Nintendo themselves that states that, yes, they did bring the legal hammer down on “a select few websites”. So there we are. My apologies to the guys at PokéBeach and Serebii.net...

“[Activision CEO Bobby Kotick], for his part, insists his comments are taken out...”

– Eurogamer: Tim Schafer hits back at Bobby Kotick [September 27th, 2010] This appears at the end of an article where Tim Schafer responds to Kotick’s attack earlier today, with no context. To anyone reading the article it may seem that Eurogamer are suggesting Kotick feels his comments about...

“The big screen version of crime series Kane & Lynch keeps losing director...”

– Kotaku: And Yet Another Director Is Off The Kane & Lynch Movie [September 27th, 2010] Of course we guessed it. It’s in the headline, which is the bit at the top of the article that we read first.

lowclass asked: Would you consider a site like Blue's News good, unbiased journalism? It's a great RSS feed and I haven't seen you call them out for "forwarding" inaccurate information. While they may not actually write anything, they are looked to as a reliable source of correct information. Are these guys on your radar at all?

Anonymous asked: I was wondering what you're opinion is on dualistic fanboyism.

In other words, that gamer culture will often divide themselves between the mainstream and the underdog, with no room left between for someone who adores Halo and TimeSplitters equally, yet for different merits. One gamer will fanboy Assassin’s Creed, while the other will fanboy Ico, and in doing so, both will...

Sony couldn't POSSIBLY have artificially caused... →

So here’s the first paragraph of the story: According to MaxConsole, a hacker claims to have located a certain string in a PS3 .RCO file that apparently states, “msg_error_console_hot_pls_restart.” This translates to, “the system has become hot. Please turn off the system and wait a while before turning it on again.” Hence, the hacker has interpreted this as...

“I would like to address the various game blogs that have reported on this whole...”

– PokéBeach: Nintendo Follow-Up [September 21st, 2010] Hoorah for game blogs. I’m still not entirely convinced of the veracity of this story, but it seems a little more believable than it did the other day. On that subject, PokéBeach’s “Water Pokemon master” write the...

“Fumito Ueda spoke a bit about video games as art - of course they are; both ICO...”

– PSX Extreme: Ben’s Week In Review: September 26 [September 26th, 2010] If there’s one thing the creator of ICO and Shadow of the Collosus needs, it’s advice on game design from a guy who spends his time sycophantically rambling about everything Sony does and jumping on Final...

If you've ever wondered how you could have sex... →

Keep scrapin’, guys. I’m sure you’ll find the bottom of that barrel sooner or later.

Anonymous asked: Longtime lurker.. 1st time poster.

Not a huge fan of tumblr drama, but would you have any suggestions about what should be done these a-holes? http://r1g.tumblr.com/

Reviews and news are cut and pasted from this site www.gamefreaks.co.nz sans credit, naturally.

VG247's Steph Nunneley "borrows" fanmade Nintendo... →

Does this image look familiar to you? It might do - it’s a piece called “The One Mushroom” created by Henri Bai (a.k.a. Quantsini) back in 2004. It’s popped up in a few other articles about Nintendo over the years, but amazingly no one has thought to credit Henri for his work. The version used above is adapted from a wallpaper-sized version Henri made shortly after he...

bossonparade-deactivated2011080 asked: Have you given Halo a shot on any other platform? Halo 1 PC was apparently horribly wanked up in the porting process and Halo 2... is shit. There are people who worked on it for years who've admitted it was horribly unfinished. 3 and Reach are both very nice, but they're not really typical of the usual FPS combat style - more melee, more improvising rather than using guns exclusively.

Is that you near the beginning of this Goldeneye...

I was filmed at E3 after playing GoldenEye, and while I refuse to watch anything I’m in out of sheer embarrassment (which is why I haven’t seen Glee yet) I can tell you that if he’s a red-haired Brit then yes, it’s probably me. Ask me anything

Anonymous asked: Actually, I would submit that sites like IGN or Eurogamer spread their reviews over multiple pages to convey the feeling of a print mag, in the same sort of way magazines divide their text into columns with images/captions alongside. I mean, not saying page hits isn't a big motivator too, but this is always the impression I got based on how long the pages tend to be and the general layout of...

Misleading CVG headline is misleading →

NOTE: The above link is NOT a Google Cache link! Click at your own peril. Their headline: Molyneux demands Half-Life 3 NOW Which is technically true, considering the demand comes from Peter Molyneux’s son, Luke. Nevertheless, a cursory glance at the headline and you’d be forgiven for assuming that Peter Molyneux had turned into an arrogant, demanding arsehole.

How do you feel about interviews that inject...

There’s a very strong narrative in the gaming media that is insistent that any and all third-party WIi exclusives are either shovelware or are simply doomed to failure. Oddly enough the same narrative didn’t exist with the PlayStation 2, which was the previous generation’s shovelware console of choice (and if you don’t believe me you need only to look at the output of...

I propose that the problem isn't pages in and of...

A 25-paragraph spread out over five or six pages is still long. It just seems shorter because we can see less of it at once. Ask me anything

“Dreamcast is a great-looking machine. No arguments. But is it a better canvas...”

– GamesRadar: Airbrush artist switches from naked ladies to Dreamcasts [September 23rd, 2010] Any excuse to mention naked ladies, eh Justin? And indeed, any excuse to feature an arguably NSFW picture of a semi-nude woman being airbrushed at the end.

CVG also unable to tell the difference between... →

NOTE: The above link is NOT a Google Cache link! Click at your own peril. How difficult is it to comprehend a simple thing like Bankruptcy Protection? Blockbuster are teetering on the brink on the abyss, and it’s understandable they’d file for Protection. Tch, eh readers?

“Cliff Bleszinski posted this picture of a broken Gears of War 2 disc on his...”

– GamesRadar: Disgruntled Gears of War 2 player sends his disc back to Epic in pieces [September 23rd, 2010] Alternate headline: Gaming site milks Bleszinski photo post on Twitter for every drop of news it can muster, fails horribly. It could be snappier.

Facebook is down! OH NOES. →

This does affect FarmVille and other popular Facebook-based games, so it’s borderline-newsworthy. However Kotaku’s method of reporting the news - pulling posts about the downtime from Twitter - is probably the laziest, stupidest way of reporting on the situation. Sigh.

GamesRadar and Bankruptcy Protection →

Reader-submitted content follows: Uh oh. Looks like someone at GamesRadar doesn’t know the difference between bankruptcy and bankruptcy protection. Either that, or they were intentionally using a misleading headline.