Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits: Archive

Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits

May 2011

44 posts

Until relatively recently we used to have a weekly feature called “Game Journalists Are Cool Dudes” highlighting quality journalism within the gaming press media field group team squad force. It was written and, indeed, pioneered by the wonderful Lewie Procter of SavyGamer, although sadly other commitments meant he was too busy to fit it into his schedule every week. I’d love to...

“In order to keep this from being the laziest collection of downloadable content...”

– Kotaku, Mike Fahey: It’s Nice to See Mortal Kombat Putting Skin On for Once [May 27th, 2011] Lots of things wrong with this. Firstly the—… actually, y’know what? I’m going to bullet-point this sucker. The classic Fatalities were mocapped, animated and completed during the...

Kotaku write glowing piece about Hulk Hogan Kinect... →

We know absolutely nothing about Hulk Hogan’s Main Event, and if this is a good and just world it will remain that way. However Kotaku’s Mike Fahey has decided that not only do we need to know about this game, we need to know how fantastic it’s going to be. That’s right - strap yourselves in, it’s Journalism as PR time! The entire piece reads like marketing spiel, as...

A to Jump - Saturday May 21st, 12:30pm-1pm PST [ Listen on PC ▪ Listen on Mac ] Ben Paddon and Nick Simberg realize they’ve done no planning at all during the week and desperately attempt to fill 30 minutes of airtime. Special guest star Leonard Maltin joins us in the studio, but he won’t be saying anything or doing anything, nor will we be acknowledging his existence. SPONSORED BY:...

Developer says new game will be better than old... →

Here’s the quote from Insomniac’s James Stevenson: I’ll be bold enough to go out and say it’ll be better than [Resistance 2] :-) There’s nothing bold about saying that your next game will be better than your previous game, and there’s certainly nothing bold about posting such a statement as “news”. I really, really wish game journalists would stop trying to...

“Is Zelda Universe Nintendo’s 25-Year Anniversary Celebration?”

– 1UP.com, Chris Pereira, May 26th 2011 [Source] Nope. it’s a website.

Y’know what? That last post was completely out of line. It’s not fair of me to use someone’s personal tweets as an excuse to attack them, and indeed it’s been a long-standing rule of mine not to bother with the Twitter accounts of game journalists. Johnny Cullen generally thinks I’m a bit of a cunt, and when I do shit like this it’s hard to disagree with him. I...

Johnny Cullen Throws Twitter Tantrum Over Having...

Edit: This post is shit. It is. It crosses a line and I apologize. Yesterday was apparently a bit of a busy day in the games industry, and everyone’s favourite news gremlin Johnny “That’s Pretty Much It” Cullen, the very definition of a phoning-it-in journalist in this industry, kicked up a Hell of a stink on Twitter about having to do his actual, real, actual job. Which,...

“NBA Jam was eventually released on both PS3 and Xbox 360, so the game...”

– Kotaku, Mike Epstein: One Year Later, Did Nintendo Keep Their E3 2010 Promises? [May 26th, 2011] Everything after the first “That said” is redundant. All of it. This is the sort of reasoning one expects to hear from 10 year-olds, perhaps during their lunchbreak at school or sitting...

VentureBeat's Dean Takahashi thinks "Warhammer... →

Gears of War was released in 2006. Games Workshop launched Warhammer 40,000 in 1987. Oh, Dean.

I’m taking this week off. I need it to fulfill another obligation - well, not so much an obligation as a fantastic opportunity to work in a field I’ve wanted to work in since I first played The Secret of Monkey Island and decided I wanted to be the guy who wrote the words the characters said when I grew up. So this week I’ll be working on that. See you next Monday.

Comments Working Again

After Disqus were unable to solve the comment problem, I went into Tumblr and discovered the problem myself - Disqus shortnames are now cAsE sEnSiTiVe, whereas previously they weren’t. Stupid, but there we are. Comments are now reenabled on the blog. Go nuts.

“[L.A. Noire is] a grand production. But as a video game, it falters with a...”

– The Daily, Sam Machkovech: L.A. bore [May 20th, 2011] Sam slams the game throughout the text, but then gives it a 6 out of 10 - an above average score. Even worse, when Wired writer Jason Schreier called Sam out on this via Twitter, Sam changed his tone: Cuz it’s a slick production, and the...

[NOT SHIT] Boing Boing: Vindictive game company... →

I won’t comment on the generally bad writing in the review itself, which includes wonderful turns of phrase like “Speaking of the voice-acting, I can’t say enough bad about it”, but for High Voltage staffers to think it’s okay to attack the reviewer’s novel (which I haven’t read, but now really, really want to) is reprehensible. I’d already decided...

A to Jump - Saturday May 21st, 12:30pm-1pm PST [ Listen on PC ▪ Listen on Mac ] Ben Paddon and Nick Simberg go over the last two weeks’ worth of gaming news, discuss seminal French platform/adventure game Another World (a.k.a. Out Of This World), and fail entirely to discuss any new games whatsoever. Especially not L.A. Noire. What, are we made of money? SPONSORED BY: People who make car...

Sure, Randy Savage is dead, but look on the bright... →

It often seems that Kotaku will post about almost anything in their neverending quest to get eyeballs on their turgid little website, and they’re not above shamelessly exploiting the death of a celebrity. Totilo took the opportunity to remind us that Savage was playable in THQ’s recent WWE All Stars. So that’s nice.

“I know Nintendo has yet to reveal that GameBoy Advance titles will eventually be...”

– Tiny Cartridge: Three GBA imports (not Mother 3/Rhythm Tengoku) Nintendo should add to the eShop [May 19th, 2011] Yes. We know it will. With no evidence, no supporting information, no anything to back up that statement other than a bunch of erroneous news posts from last year claiming that the 3DS...

“It is rumoured that Scarlet was originally created by a glitch in Mortal Kombat...”

– GameFreaks: DLC coming to Mortal Kombat this month [May 18th, 2011] That’s not a rumour. That’s what actually happened. Blimey, do a little research, will you?

That "Netflix streaming makes up 30% of American... →

A number of outlets have reported that up to 30% of American internet traffic is people watching TV shows and movies via Netflix’ “Watch Instantly” streaming service, however there’s a huge difference between what they’re reporting and what the actual information is. From Bruce Upbin’s blog on Forbes: […] Netflix is small part of overall Internet...

“[Skarlet] was a character rumoured to be in Mortal Kombat II, apparently a red...”

– EuroGamer, Wesley Yin-Poole: Mortal Kombat Skarlet DLC revealed [May 18th, 2011] Actually the developers have confirmed that Skarlet’s “debut” in Mortal Kombat II was the result of a glitch. In fact a simple Google search for “mortal kombat 2 red kitana glitch” leads...

“One has to wonder when Netflix decided to offer its streaming movie service on...”

– Kotaku, Luke Plunkett: So, Netflix On Consoles Is Hogging Up the Internet [May 18th, 2011] Okay. Wow. That is not a great sentence. Just look at that. I’m not talking about the content, I’m talking about the syntax and grammar. If Luke’s trying to pose a question - “I...

1UP waste value webspace by reporting that there... →

Let’s go over some basic information about LEGO Harry Potter, shall we? The first game covered Years 1-4. That covers the first four of the seven books, and about half of the overall story. Traveller’s Tales’ LEGO games are traditionally very popular and sell rather well. LEGO Harry Potter Years 1-4 sold 3.95 million units in 2010 according to the sort-of-but-not-quite-made-up...

“[Lionhead’s Mike West said] “People saying the story [in Fable III]...”

– Joystiq, Justin McElroy: Fable 3 combat lead gets combative about game’s reception [May 17th, 2011] Wow, joystiq really didn’t like Fable III, did they? It shows, too. I mean, just look at their review of the game: While it’s puzzling to watch so much effort go into...

Whenever people tell me that Kotaku aren't... →

A fine job of calling attention to Kotaku’s lack of integrity and standards. You should read it.

Comments Still Down

For some reason the Disqus comments still aren’t working. Oddly they still work over at the Off-Topic blog, but they won’t even display here. Disqus haven’t given me a response yet. I’ll give ‘em another prod. For now people a small group of people have taken to posting comments on the old GJAIF Facebook group.

GameZenith's rather superb post about a recent... →

GameZenith’s Tyrell Jackson wrote a simply marvellous little assessment of a recent IGN post about the black protagonist in Starhawk that had me thinking, “Wow, I wish I’d written that.” Read Jackson’s criticism here. The IGN article in question can he found here.

Japanese model commits suicide, Bashcraft links it... →

24-year old Miyu Uehara sadly committed suicide earlier this week, but because she was mentioned on Aki Higashihara’s “Death Blog” - a blog that has gained some notoriety in Japan as a sort-of curse - that gives Bashcraft free reign to comment not only on her death but on Higashihara’s blog and the nature of the curse. Which, frankly, is just a little bit disgusting. ...

Rather brilliant editorial from GameSpot on the... →

Great read, lots of very valid points made. Personally I’d rather see reviews come out post-release that take Day One updates into account than see reviews of unfinished, buggy code, but as with most things it turns out I’m in the minority there - most gamers seem to think that a few bugs ultimately don’t matter, which goes some way to explaining the somewhat maddening love for...

VG247 Rip Off EuroGamer News Post About Next...

VG247’s Debabrata Nath has almost certainly plagiarized a recent EuroGamer news post about Hitman: Absolution. at 9:39am BST EuroGamer’s Wesley Yin-Poole posted this article about recent developments surrounding the next game in the Hitman series Little under two hours later this article appeared on VG247 containing almost identical text. While it’s not uncommon for news posts...

Why don't your comments work?

I’ve no idea. I noticed it yesterday but haven’t had time to get in touch with them to find out what’s going on. A few other sites have also reported issues with Disqus lately. I’ll look into it. Ask me anything

“Joystiq are spoiled punks. They’re so unprofessional. For people who...”

– An industry insider who wishes to remain anonymous.

dragonmaw: Just as a point of contention: Freebies are not necessarily a bad thing. For example, I live below minimum wage, and often can not afford games. When I was reviewing, I would often ask the publisher for a review copy first, as I really am that poor. Most of the time, when asked, the publisher would generally oblige. I got a review copy of Crysis 2, for example. I ended up liking it...

“My promo copy [of Brink] is coming tomorrow. *rubs hands with soooooooo...”

– Johnny Cullen of VG247, expressing delight in the impending arrival of his “promo copy” of Brink despite the fact VG247 doesn’t actually review games. You may recall last year when I pointed out several times that Cullen was practically begging PR guys for free copies of games....

I like looking at the old Amiga Power stuff you...

AP2 is really the only way to get the definitive skinny on what went down at the mag during its run. Fortunately there is a way to customize the site design. Simply go to the site frontpage - http://ds.dial.pipex.com/ap2/ - and click “Concuss the style urchin” in the left-hand sidebar. From there you can completely customize the look and feel of the site, making it more in keeping with...

“This is the issue with writers paid by the article, or without a fixed income....”

– QUOTED FOR TRUTH - Comment left by Kieran D on the preceding Johnny Cullen post

Rumored PS3 Firmware already confirmed, wasn't... →

Reader-submitted content follows, with some minor edits: Rumours suggest that Sony is poised to release a new Firmware update for the PlayStation 3 “Rumors”? Really? The next paragraph they admit their source of the “rumor” was actually a Google Translation of the Japanese PlayStation Blog… And THEN they go on to say THIS: Although the course of action certainly...