Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits: Archive

Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits

July 2011

38 posts

What is Kotaku's fetish this week? - Videogames

There’s no doubt about it - Kotaku, everybody’s favourite blog about Japanese supermodels and online drug dispensaries, has got videogame fever. Eagle-eyed readers may have spotted the first stirrings of this unusual trend earlier in the week when, quietly tucked away under reports about furries, J-pop songstresses and underage models, they published a brief history of the PlayStation...

“What Is Japan’s Fetish This Week? Giant Breasts”

– This isn’t even funny anymore. This is just sad.

June 2011

45 posts

A to Jump - Saturday June 25th, 12:30pm-1pm PST [ Listen on PC ▪ Listen on Mac ] Ben Paddon and Nick Simberg haven’t really figured out what they’re going to talk about yet. I’d love to do a half-hour celebration of videogame soundtracks, but that might be because every damned week I tell Nick we should play the “Good Egg Galaxy” music from Super Mario Galaxy, and...

“I don’t write many reviews these days, but as far as I’m concerned, eviscerating...”

– QUOTED FOR TRUTH - Wired, Lore Sjöberg: Alt Text: After Duke Nukem PR Fail, Terrible Games Are Fair Game [June 24th, 2011]

“There seems to be a belief in Japan, an incorrect belief, that if you post...”

– Kotaku, Brian Ashcraft: The Bomb Threat Sent from a PlayStation 3 [June 24th, 2011] Firstly, this quote can be parsed down to “this incorrect statement is incorrect”, which is fucking redundant. Secondly, Bashcraft has reached this conclusion based on the three examples he gives - the...

“In 1991, before the company realised it was a good idea to pay closer attention...”

– Kotaku, Luke Plunkett: The Horror of Nintendo’s White Knuckle Scorin [June 23rd, 2011] Actually that “tagline” - really more of a catchphrase than anything else - didn’t make its first appearance until 1996, when Super Mario 64 came out for the N64. But let’s not make that...

“I’m not going to name names, but someone I once worked for told me that my job...”

– QUOTED FOR TRUTH - Insert Credit, Frank Cifaldi: Journalism: The Videogame: Redux - Chapter 2: Let’s complain a little [June 20th, 2011] - Link restored Insert Credit is back with a whole host of new writers, and they’ve got some very interesting things to say about the state of game...

“One thing that’s been somewhat baffling about Nintendo of late is the...”

– Kotaku, Brian Ashcraft: The Highs of Zelda, the Disappointment of 3D [June 19th, 2011] Yeah! Why the fuck would Nintendo want to bring new, unique ways of playing games to customers? I mean, it’s not like it sets them apart from the competition or anything. It may come of no surprise to you...

I’ve made a couple of decisions. Firstly, I’ve elected to keep the Donate button up indefinitely. Secondly, I’m no longer going to post requests on this blog asking for financial help during my current tough time, and if I do feel like I absolutely have to ask for help (which, incidentally, I’ll keep such things to either my Twitter feed or the Off-Topic blog. So...

It's Just a Review →

Presenting It’s Just a Review, a website that just reviews games, films and other things very, very briefly. I’ll be updating it as and when I have stuff I review. Which is nice.

A to Jump - Saturday June 18th, 12:30pm-1pm PST [ Listen on PC ▪ Listen on Mac ] Ben Paddon and Nick Simberg inexplicably find themselves in a parallel dimension where someone of worth has agreed to be interviewed for the show. Listen, perhaps in terror, as Ben and Nick talk with voice actor Dino Andrade (Batman: Arkham Asylum, World of Warcraft, Brütal Legend, amongst others) about pretending to...

Several sources misinterpet LulzSec infodump as...

The following is based upon reader-generated content submitted by latergamer. Substantial edits were made in language, tone and formatting, as well as the sourcing of additional quotes. Team Xbox and Game Informer (as well as Joystiq - Ed.) recently posted news items claiming that online hacker group LulzSec is targeting Xbox Live and its users. This isn’t exactly the case. In fact...

Tumblr has apparently taken away my “Submit some Fuckwittery” button along with the option to enable/disable it, which is a little odd (Update: It’s to combat a recent spam attack that Tumblr users have been experiencing - Ed.). For now if you want to submit something your best option is to either tweet me the link or send me an email. Any posts that come as the result of a...

GameSpot and GamesIndustry.biz take Cliff...

Gears of War 3 director Cliff Bleskenski recently mentioned in an interview that he hopes game sold in excess of 6 million copies. Now GamesIndustry.biz and GameSpot have both run reports stating this as a Epic Games’ sales target for the title. Which is isn’t. Upon spotting the story, Bleszinski took to Twitter to express his thoughts on the matter: Gamesindustry.biz, I never claimed...

“I was trying to explain this to Gabriel yesterday: it’s the job, the actual job,...”

– QUOTED FOR TRUTH - Penny Arcade, Jerry Holkins: This Week’s Villain [June 17th, 2011] Perfect.

The true toll of the Japanese earthquake revealed... →

Every time Kotaku mentions the Japanese earthquake they seem to do it in such a distasteful manner that it achieves the impossible and actually lowers my opinion of the website as a whole. People have died, a rabbit was born near the Fukushima nuclear power plant without ears which has raised concerns about the actual levels of radiation released by the plant back in March, but none of that shit...

“Apologists will tell you that Duke Nukem is a satirical creation. They claim his...”

– NOT SHIT: Destructoid, Jim Sterling: The Duke Delusion: Why Duke Nukem isn’t a parody [June 16th, 2011] This is a wonderful breakdown of the character of Duke Nukem and why he cannot possibly be described as parody or satire, ignoring the paragraph where Jim attempts to tell use what perfect...

[UPDATED] Interesting: Despite not condoning The...

Updated: I’ve learnt that 2K Games has a separate PR company for the European market (which makes sense), and that EuroGamer’s blacklisting is likely not connected to The Redner Group in any way. I am still looking into the specifics of the blacklisting itself, however. If you’re not familiar with the events that went down between 2K Games and The Redner Group earlier this week,...

Angry Joe Responds to my Email

Angry Joe has responded to the previous ‘Reggie tells Eli to “F*ck off”’ post. Here’s the email, presented As Is: Hey Ben, Thank you for your email regarding the erroneous post! As originally posted it was incorrect. You and anonymous tipster are correct. It wasn’t Nintendo’s Reggie that told Eli to “Fuck off”. It was actually Reggie’s...

“Rumour – Half-Life 3 confirmed, Episode Three and Four cancelled”

– VG247, Brenna Hillier [June 16th, 2011] You can’t say something is confirmed if it’s a rumour, Brenna. Those words work in direct opposition to each other.

““I made an horrendous mistake on the press demo on taking out the...”

– Kotaku, Owen Good: Molyneux Disowns Fable E3 Demonstration as a “Horrendous Mistake” [June 12th, 2011] This quote contains some misinformation, specifically this (emphasis mine): Underneath that were dozens of signatures Molyneux said came from writers who had seen the game and agreed...

I cut a deal with Verizon today. I made a partial payment of $53 towards the outstanding amount, and in return they switched my internet back on (although I suspect they’ve downgraded my speed). I have two weeks to sort out payment of the remaining bill. Fortunately for me I received another donation of $50 after making the payment. Unfortunately Verizon demand payment of the bill in full,...

Woke up this morning to discover my Internet has been disconnected due to non-payment, so this blog is going to be quiet for a while. If you’re in a position to donate a few bucks using the button on the side, I’d really appreciate it right now. The sooner my Internet is up and running the sooner I can get back to blogging. Cheers.

The Donate Button Will Be Sticking Around a Little...

My wonderful internet service provider has informed me today that my service may be disconnected unless I pay the arrears on my account, which obviously I’m unable to do at the moment. I currently owe them $182. If my internet goes down then obviously I won’t be able to update the blog at all, let alone the low update level I’ve been maintaining for the last few weeks. If...

“I like having sex in video games. Yeah, it’s awkward and feels...”

– IGN, Michael Thomsen: E3 2011: In Search of Sex Games at E3 [June 9th, 2011] IGN recently announced that they are the “most popular” gaming site online because they have the most traffic. Using that as the new metric, I can safely say that Chicago is the “most popular”...

“Confident women inspire me. And watching Catwoman strut around the Batman:...”

– IGN, Dana Jongewaard: E3 2011: Arkham City’s Catwoman Is Smoking Hot [June 9th, 2011] An entire article about how sexy Catwoman is. But it’s awright, folks, because it was written by a woman!

One of the things I learnt at this year’s E3 is that you can sometimes get an entirely different picture of the whys, hows and wherefores of why a news post goes up in the fashion it does (or indeed, why it goes up at all). I think the thing I’m going to take away from my conversation with Brian Crecente and others is that I should be asking questions before I jump to any conclusions. ...

E3 2011: Day Two

Attending E3 is a rare (and, importantly, cheap) privilege, and I feel very lucky to have been able to check out some stuff. So, in the spirit of sharing and all that good stuff, here’s what I thought of the stuff I saw on Day Two. Sonic Generations I got the chance to play the PS3 version of the game and I have to say, not impressed. The controls were incredibly wobbly - better than Sonic...

“Given the fact that The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword has yet to hit store...”

– IGN, Richard George: E3 2011: Zelda Goes HD on Wii U [June 7th, 2011] Richard George there, taking the brief Legend of Zelda cinematic from the Wii U reveal earlier today as absolute proof that a Twilight Princess-style Zelda game is in the works for the Wii U, just as the Game Cube tech demo...

“All in all Moon Diver is an interesting game for the XBLA which has a very good...”

– Positively Popular, “Josh”: MOON DIVER REVIEW [June 5th, 2011] I sincerely hope this is an elaborate joke. Thanks to the tipster who sent this my way.

Astute readers will also have noticed that the Donate button is back. This is temporary - I wasn’t expecting to be able to attend E3 this year and so haven’t budgeted for it, mostly because I am more or less flat broke. The button is there for the next two weeks in the hopes that I’ll be able to use your donations to cover things like transport, meals, and other expenses that may...

E3 2011: Day One

I seldom make any firm plans when it comes to events like E3 and San Diego Comic-Con. I tend to mill about, seeing stuff as I come to it, and more often than not planning things at the absolute last minute. It’s not a very efficient method of covering the event, but it feels much more organic. With that in mind, I didn’t see much stuff today, but here are my thoughts of what I did...

Looks Like I Will Be At E3 After All

I just got off the phone with a wonderful E3 rep who has confirmed that my E3 application has been approved, so I’ll be at the expo all week. I should be able to update the site while I’m there, so with any luck there’ll be more frequent updates during this year’s E3 than there were last year. The FAQ has been updated accordingly. Oh, and I’m bringing a photographer....

“I’m not without sympathy: I know it’s hard. You have to make ends meet, and CoD...”

– QUOTED FOR TRUTH - Tiny Subversions, Darius Kazemi: Embargoes: the enthusiast press is not special [June 1st, 2011] Read the entire article. Brilliant assessment of game journalism’s reaction to Activision’s decision to give the Wall Street Journal a Call of Duty exclusive. Huge thanks...

A to Jump - Saturday June 4th, 12:30pm-1pm PST [ Listen on PC ▪ Listen on Mac ] Ben Paddon and Nick Simberg continue to bluff their way through thirty minutes of tedious amateur radio, but it’s alright because half of that time is taken up with music and commercials anyway. This week’s show is devoted entirely to a discussion on linearity in gaming, and how as technology has improved...

Questions I've Been Asked Frequently About E3 2011

I’ve had a ton of emails over the last couple of days about whether I’ll be at E3 this year, what I’m doing, etc., and I thought it’d be easier if I just answered them here on the blog. So here we go: Oi, prick! Will you be attending E3 this year? It’s not looking likely. Not unless something quite improbable happens over the weekend. I am planning on attending a...