Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits: Archive

Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits

July 2011

38 posts

For some unfathomable reason, Bit-Tech have... →

Team17 recently announced Worms: Ultimate Mayhem, an attempt to mesh and repackage two of their three attempts to bring the Worms series kicking and screaming into the third dimension where it had no business being in the first bloody place. A peculiar decision, especially considering that even now Worms Armageddon, released in 1999 and widely considered the pinnacle of the series, is played...

“In his 1500-page manifesto—spammed to one thousand people more than one hour...”

– Gizmodo, Jesus Diaz: Oslo Killer Was a Microsoft Word Fanatic [July 27th, 2011] Extra! Extra! Terrorist uses world’s most common word processor to write manifesto! Is it Pulitzer season yet? Because this is clearly Pulitzer fodder.

A reminder: Hey, GameJournos has an off-topic... →

While some other blogs might be content to post bullshit that has nothing to do with their core subject, we here at GameJournos are keen to ensure your “game journalism is fucked” experience is not marred in any way by posts about cats playing Pokémon or discussion of which King’s Quest game is the best one (Hang on, “we”? - Ed.). That’s why, many moons ago,...

“So it’s been several years now where there haven’t been any...”

– QUOTED FOR TRUTH - Dubious Quality, Bill Harris: The Self-Evaluated Genius Of Bobby Kotick [July 25th, 2011]

Today, GoNintendo reports on a rumour that was... →

I guess doing a little research would have been far too much work for the guys at GoNintendo. Blimey, what an embarrassingly turgid little website. Cheers to the reader who sent me this link.

A to Jump - Saturday, 12:30pm-1pm PST [ Listen on PC ▪ Listen on Mac ] Ben Paddon and Nick Simberg talk about important gaming subjects, such as the death of Amy Winehouse. SPONSORED BY: :YB DEROSNOPS Follow A To Jump on Twitter!

Writes a reader who emailed me this morning, “I knew Kotaku would somehow try to tie the Oslo bombings to video games. I dreaded it, even as I accepted its inevitability. But I just hoped it would take them more than 24 hours.”

“George R.R. Martin teased and quizzed the Game of Thrones cast in a panel at...”

– Kotaku, Lauren Davis: Game of Thrones cast talks dragons, puppet wolves, and the Khal Drogo dance. Plus, the scene George R.R. Martin doesn’t want to watch. [July 22nd, 2011] Alright. Yes. Okay. So… what does this io9 post have to do with videogames? Anybody? No?

Apparently vandalizing a Wikipedia article about a... →

Of course it qualifies as news, because lolol CRAPCOM.

“The special editions of both [Monkey Island] games include new recorded dialog,...”

– Destructoid, Joshua Derocher: Monkey Island collection coming to Europe this fall [July 9th, 2011] It’s a small thing, I know, but the rubber chicken in The Secret of Monkey Island already has a bloody pulley in it. You don’t combine the two things to make the one thing. It’s...

A to Jump - Saturday, 12:30pm-1pm PST [ Listen on PC ▪ Listen on Mac ] Ben Paddon and Nick Simberg spend half an hour… oh, what do you care? You’re not listening to us. SPONSORED BY: That dull pain at the base of my skull that I really should get looked at.

“According to a tweet from Boone noticed by SystemLink, the MK creator hinted she...”

– VG247, Stephany Nunneley: Boone hints at possible Tanya DLC for Mortal Kombat [July 8th, 2011] Oh, exciting! I tell you what, jes ferralaff, let’s have a look at some other things Ed Boon has tweeted: RT @MrSoloLobo @noobde I hope the next game is 2013 or later. Noobde: Yea, screw MK! RT...

“Dishonored is the antithesis of a edge-of-your-seat roller-coaster ride.”

– Game Informer, Adam Biessener: August Cover Revealed: Dishonored [July 7th, 2011] Smack bang in the middle of an article singing this game’s praises because it’s their cover game and they’re obliged to make it sound incredible. I don’t think “antithesis” means...

The following content was written and submitted by Spankminister, although I’ve made some minor formatting alterations to it. The headline is mine, though. Clever wordplay, I know. I’d imagine you’re already aware of Jen Schiller’s response to the backlash at her dismissive article on pro gaming. The responses are far more interesting than the original article, which is a...

Idiot blogger sees joke tweet, assumes it MUST be... →

It seems these days you can’t so much as tweet a joke about blowing up an airport without someone getting the wrong end of the stick. On this occasion journalist Brad Nicholson attempted to poke fun at conspiracy theorists assuming his review of the iThing game Swords and Soldiers HD was bought and paid for by joking that he’d been given a Porsche by the game’s publisher. Which...

[UPDATED] Well, to coin a phrase, "Whoops."

Turns out that Brad Nicholson Porsche thing was a joke. That’ll teach me to break my rule against commenting on the stuff journos post on Twitter. Update: A lot of people have asked me how I can take something that is clearly sarcastic and write what I wrote about it. Great question. I don’t subscribe to Brad’s tweets. I would, but he’s blocked both my GameJournos and...

“A man on trial in North Carolina for killing his pregnant fiancée says he could...”

– Kotaku, Owen Good: Man Deploys ‘Madden Defense’ to Beat Murder Rap [July 6th, 2011] I wonder: Do film magazines and websites post news stories about crimes where the accused claims he’d “Gone to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine” or “was busy watching the recent...

Kotaku writer says pro-gaming is pointless →

“Don’t get me wrong, I love watching people who are better than me at video games play them for money, especially when I don’t know those people,” writes Jen Schiller. “Oh wait. No I don’t.” Now I realize this is one writer at Kotaku and not the entire site, but it sends a very clear message to readers when pro gaming is vilified while breasts and...

“Spend any time in a major Japanese urban center and you’ll see him: the...”

– Kotaku, Brian Ashcraft: When You Need Help Getting It Up [July 4th, 2011] Wow, a videogame with giant breasts in it? Unheard of!

GJAIF is now GameJournos

Well, technically it’s always been GameJournos, what with the URL, the Twitter feed and so forth, but now I’ve gone and formalized that name. Congratulations, thin-skinned game journos - now there’s nothing on this blog suggesting you are incompetent fuckwits. Oh, and check out that randomizing header. Isn’t it spiffy? Huge thanks to Matt Mullenweg for providing the...

“There will be no more official Lara Croft girls. After having flesh-and-blood...”

– Kotaku, Brian Ashcraft: Two Lara Crofts. Both Pole Dancers. [July 1st, 2011] There’s barely a story here. This is, in fact, yet another feeble excuse for Bashcraft to once again express his “appreciation” of the female form. It’s not quite as overt as yesterday’s post...