I’m a big fan of dancing in many forms. I also really like Harmonix games, so info about the Dance Central line tends to catch my eye. This Kotaku article is titled “On Playing Dance Central 2 While Male”. Now, I expected a bit of ridiculous gender role stereotyping about how silly guys look playing the game, but here’s the first half of the article:
Recently my friend, who for this article we’ll call “Dan,” was over at my apartment for beers and video games. We’d gone through most of the big fall releases—I showed him some craziness from Saints Row: The Third, got across the gist of Catherine, and played some (shockingly fun) split-screen Modern Warfare 3 spec-ops. The Kinect had gotten a go as well, and we’d laughed our way through several levels of Gunstringer and gotten our asses kicked by the surprisingly difficult Child of Eden.
“You know, I’ve got Dance Central 2 here, let’s play that!” I said, pointing to the shiny, colorful box of Harmonix’s Kinect-only dancing game.
“Sure,” Dan said, though in retrospect he was doubtless entirely unsure what he was getting himself into. And so we played Dance Central 2, two dorky bros in the mid-afternoon, standing in front of the TV and swinging our hips to “Toxic” and “Bad Romance.” It was funny, it was dumb; it was uniquely uncomfortable.
After we played for a little while, we took a break to have a beer and Dan remarked to me, “Man, that game is kind of uncomfortable for straight guys!” (I’m paraphrasing—he said it much more thoughtfully than that.)
I agreed, because I knew what he meant—I mean, one plays Dance Central by dancing. It requires an entirely different sort of physical interaction than most other video games. It was as though Dan and I had been sitting around pondering what to do and one of us had said, “You know what? Let’s go dancing together, just you and me!” Suffice to say, that is not something either of us would likely ever suggest. We’re fairly boring.
This was not about being male. This was about being gay. The game made them uncomfortable because as straight men, they shouldn’t be dancing, especially not dancing in the presence of other men.
He goes on to lift quotes from a Gamasutra article (and a very good one, talking about the unique connection the game brings to your sense of identity and self-expression), but never ties it in with the issues of his sexuality that made him uncomfortable in the first place. If he wasn’t shooting something from a car window or doing something else undoubtedly male, he got unsettled because then it was kind of gay. The article is just littered with terminology that supports his straight identity - the games he lists at the beginning (Saint’s Row, MW3, the extremely hetero Catherine), the break after playing Dance Central to have some beers…
Later, he says that he feels uncomfortable about it because he’s “straight-laced” and isn’t prone to expressing himself through dance. And that’s a cool thing that the Gamasutra article hits on. But almost everything in his article that’s not just reviewing his source is instead giving off the impression that dancing is gay.
Read the Gamasutra article, and I think you will see that Kirk Hamilton either missed the point or expressed it really poorly.
I don’t hate Kirk Hamilton - in fact, I don’t hate anyone, despite what you may think - but if he were to fall down the stairs breaking his arms and legs in the process I’d have a tough time feeling sorry for him.
NAS’ response is right on the nose. I wish I’d written it. Nicely done.
Kotaku: “Dead Rising Creator Keiji Inafune Hurt Himself. He’ll Be Okay!”, January 10th, 2011
Take everything I said just yesterday about Bashcraft’s ongoing penchant for incredible non-news posts, and reapply it here. Again.
Also, yes, in case you were wondering, this whole “blip” and “quick bite” thing that became prevalent last year is still in the upper echelons of lazy games journalism. Don’t use what amounts to a glorified Tweet as a news article.
No, right, ‘cos… ‘cos this is obviously a promo for, like, Super Muscle Pull Panic!, or something. PS3 exclusive, I reckon. Sounds like it’ll be fun.
Christ.
Kotaku: “32-Year-Old Homeless Man Found Dead Outside Japanese Arcade”, January 4th, 2012
It is terrible that a person died, and it’s certainly even more unfortunate that they were homeless, but the sheer coincidence that their passing occurred within a mile of a Japanese videogame arcade does NOT equal an automatic, relevant post for a gaming
blogtabloid.Not only does this article have not a goddamned thing to do with gaming, the games industry or “gamer culture” (is that really even a thing anymore?), but as a commenter pointed out on this unrelated GameJournos post the other day, the one Kotaku visitor who managed the courage to speak out against this story was subsequently and swiftly met with vitriol and backlash from the readership hivemind who, no doubt, are the very reason this kind of shit is still accepted as appropriate coverage.
Were you under the delusion that Kotaku would, in any way, become less shit than it was under the watchful eye of new Editor-in-Chief, Stephen Totilo? Boy, don’t you feel embarrassed.
(OK, to be fair, it was probably misguided the think any change whatsoever would come in the first couple of weeks — it’ll likely be many months before we see any noticeable differences, if they’re coming — but still. Way to kick off the new year, Bashcraft.)
Subcathoin: The Next Big Thing (Brian Crecente’s Tumblr)
I rarely reblog stuff from game journalists’ personal Tumblr accounts, and I try not to highlight their personal stuff. That’s not the sort of game I like to play. However, I’m highlighting this. Why? Because I am cautiously optimistic about this whole thing.
No, really. I am. I promise. This isn’t a trick, this isn’t an attempt at sarcasm or a bad joke. I genuinely think this could be something good for game journalism.
Others have pointed out that the idea of having so many repeat offenders pooling their efforts in one location potentially makes writing this blog so much easier. They may be right.
However! I choose instead to be positive and optimistic about this. I elect to adopt an air of cautious optimism about the whole thing, that perhaps Vox Games (or whatever it winds up being called) will be a step in the right direction for game journalism.
Or, perhaps it’ll be shit. It could so easily be shit. But I’m going to be positive about this one.
Kotaku: “Dual-Wielding Star Wars Nut Arrested for Lightsaber Assault”, December 19th, 2011
Again, a shining example of article desperation in a period of slow news.
Take out or replace the coincidental nerd/geek reference — in this case, the Lightsaber — and would this have any business whatsoever being posted on a gaming blog?
No, it wouldn’t. And really, even as it is, it still doesn’t belong. Was the person in question assaulting Toys R Us shoppers to steal their new videogame purchases? Was he mad that the people he attacked bought a title he didn’t like? Who knows; that’s not stated. But let’s infer that for the sake of justifying covering this!
Star Wars doesn’t automatically equal ‘gamer culture’. There are plenty of Star Wars-related/involved happenings in the world that never see the front page of Kotaku. And this is one of them.
Also, this was posted on Oregon Live’s site last Thursday, December 15th. Not only is it not news, it’s super old not-news.
![semprafi:
CVG: “Fortnite: 15 HD screens from Epic’s trailer”, December 12th, 2011
CVG: “50 Hitman: Absolution trailer screens”, December 12th, 2011
CVG: “Rainbow Six Patriots: 13 HD screens from the VGA trailer”, December 13th, 2011
Pressing PrtScn on your keyboard while watching a trailer still doesn’t qualify as “screenshots”, CVG. Or news.
And it never, ever will.
Ever.
[There was a rather tasteless piece of commentary here, but I’ve edited it out. Not because it’s tasteless, but because it was incredibly poorly timed. My apologies.]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw5eksjunT1qa18woo1_500.jpg)
CVG: “Fortnite: 15 HD screens from Epic’s trailer”, December 12th, 2011
CVG: “50 Hitman: Absolution trailer screens”, December 12th, 2011
CVG: “Rainbow Six Patriots: 13 HD screens from the VGA trailer”, December 13th, 2011
Pressing PrtScn on your keyboard while watching a trailer still doesn’t qualify as “screenshots”, CVG. Or news.
And it never, ever will.
Ever.
[There was a rather tasteless piece of commentary here, but I’ve edited it out. Not because it’s tasteless, but because it was incredibly poorly timed. My apologies.]
QUOTED FOR TRUTH - We Hate Games: The Spike VGAs really are shit, aren’t they?
Someone tell me what in the name of Christ does this have to do with videogames, the game industry, or even interactive entertainment?
This is not just another shameless Gawker Network repost/cross-promotion of an article that may kinda, perhaps, potentially, sorta-if-you-squint-real-hard have some sliver of relevance to things covered on another of the company’s tabloid outlets.
This, quite literally, has not one fucking reason to be on Kotaku — The Gamer’s Guide — whatsoever.
Ah, but no, ‘cos, like, Seth writes that there’s gonna be, like, a sauna in the pixelated cloud bit and that it’s, like, probably the sort of place thar Mario and Luigi would hang out.
So, yeah, no, it’s totes gaming related.
VG247: “Keighley: Alan Wake XBLA is “effectively” Alan Wake 2”, December 5th, 2011
Ignoring the non-newsworthy hyperbole from Spike TV’s glorified gaming hype man, this kind of lazy ineptitude shouldn’t be happening still, on a professional site:
The digital title, rumoured to be subtitled Bright Falls, will debut at the Spike-hosted awards this weekend.
The hyperlink above — whose URL and associated headline is visible by simply hovering over it — links back to a previous news article which clearly shows the (rumored) menu of the AW sequel, and its name. Assuming it was real.
VG247: “Rumour: Alan Wake: Night Springs front menu shown”, November 4th, 2011
It’s not Alan Wake: Bright Falls, as stated. It’s Alan Wake: Night Springs (or Alan Wake’s Night Springs). It says that right in the goddamn title, which was also coincidentally written by JoCul, just a month ago.
I mean… I’m just sayin’. Journalism.
I would suggest that someone at VG247 hop in a car (or aboard a plane, or whatever) and head over to Johnny Cullen’s house so they can give him a swift kick in the Pulitzers, but they’re probably too busy writing their own shoddily-written, poorly-researched pieces.
Also, “The VGAs happen this Saturday”? If Cullen got higher than a C in his English GCSE exam I will be incredibly surprised.
Kotaku: “Gamers Pepper Sprayed During Black Friday “Competitive Shopping”, November 25th, 2011
DToid: ‘Black Friday shoppers Pepper sprayed Walmart game section”, November 25th, 2011
VG247: “Gamer pepper-sprayed in Black Friday sale”, November 25th, 2011
Take the lucky coincidence that the person(s) involved in this incident play/are aware of/wanted to buy discounted videogame merchandise out of the equation, and would this be “news” worthy of covering on a gaming site?
The answer is, shockingly, no. Not at all. It’s not even really news whatsoever.
Would a few unruly mainstream shoppers at an isolated store who happen to be slobbering over the chance to pick up some overly promoted discounted Blu-rays or DVDs, and then getting into a minor shopping altercation in that medium’s accompanying section, be all over the web’s various film and TV/entertainment sites?
Probably not. It’s not a pressing matter of any widespread significance, even with the faux CONTROVERSY ZOMG HEADLINES! In fact, I’m quite surprised the L.A. Times made as big of a deal out this as they did. It’s not even under their Entertainment tab; it’s just ‘Local Breaking News’.
This kind of shit is not surprising in the slightest, and happens every year — and not exclusively pertaining to videogames. Retailers should honestly be ashamed of themselves for promoting, and by association, encouraging this ongoing clusterfuck of nonsense.
I long for the ending of the practice of sites — be they gaming or not — tripping over themselves on a slow day to pick out any pseudo-relevant bit of info, from an otherwise unrelated topic, to concoct an unneeded article.
Take the weekend off and eat your goddamn leftovers. Christ. Those ad clicks will be back on Monday.
Plunkett, Sterling and Cullen - the three most common offenders of “posting vaguely gaming-related not-news bullshit as if it were relevant gaming news”. Nicely done, boys.
Turns out I don’t have to do a write-up about the Metal Gear Solid 5 fiasco. semprafi rather nicely covers it here:
Destructoid: “Metal Gear Solid 5 is NOT confirmed … yet”, November 21st, 2011
Kotaku: “Is Metal Gear Solid 5 Coming? “Probably…At Some Point”, November 21st, 2011
GameInformer: “Metal Gear Solid 5 Confirmed [Update]”, November 21st, 2011
Giant Bomb: “Turns Out Metal Gear Solid 5 Talk Was a False Alarm”, November 21st, 2011
NowGamer: “Kojima: Wants No Involvement In Metal Gear Solid 5”, November 21st, 2011
VG247: “Kojima: “We’ll probably have to make” Metal Gear Solid 5”, November 21st, 2011
CVG: “We’ll probably have to make Metal Gear Solid 5,’ admits Kojima”, November 21st, 2011
IGN: “MGS5: “We’ll Have To Make It,” Says Hideo Kojima”, November 21st, 2011
Shacknews: “Kojima has ‘no idea’ what MGS5 will be”, November 21st, 2011
Joystiq: “Kojima on MGS5: ‘We’ll probably have to make it at some point”, November 21st, 2011
Just a sampling of the sites covering this and/or backpedaling on their
acts of journalismerroneous assumptions (something that’s an increasingly big problem), as a result of Official PlayStation Magazine UK deciding to “address” their conjecture-filled, incredibly misleading-so-it-would-spread-like-wildfire cover article tease earlier this month:When asked about the sequel to MGS 4 the series’ creator replied “I think we’ll probably have to make it at some point, but what that will be, we have no idea”. Once again, though, Kojima is downplaying his involvement. “As far as my involvement in the project is concerned, [it] probably won’t be as much as it was with MGS1 – maybe I can do just one stage! For MGS1 I made the maps myself, laid out the enemy routes myself, did everything hands-on – that level I can’t do again.”
Now, compare to these same outlets’ original take on the now confirmed non-story.
Destructoid: “Kojima cover story in OPM confirms Metal Gear Solid 5”, November 17th, 2011
Kotaku: “Snake? Snaaaake?!: Is Hideo Kojima Helming Metal Gear Solid 5?”, November 17th, 2011
GameInformer: “Metal Gear Solid 5 Confirmed”, November 17th, 2011
GiantBomb: “Metal Gear Solid 5 Is Apparently Happening”, November 17th, 2011
NowGamer: “Kojima Confirms Plans For Metal Gear Solid 5”, November 18th, 2011
VG247: “Hideo Kojima to discuss plans for MGS5, Project Ogre in next issue of OPM”, November 17th, 2011
CVG: “Kojima talks MGS 5, Rising in new OPM”, November 17th, 2011
IGN: “Kojima ready to talk Metal Gear Solid 5”, November 18th, 2011
Shacknews: “Hideo Kojima to discuss plans for MGS5, Project Ogre in next issue of OPM”, November 17th, 2011
Joystiq: “Tactical Espionage Announcement: Kojima working on Metal Gear Solid 5”, November 17th, 2011
You seriously have NO idea how hard I am laughing at this. Sure, a large part of the blame can and should be placed on OPM UK’s doorstep for how this played out, as print gaming magazines — especially European ones, and especially those under Future Publishing — are mostly reliant upon speculatory/conjecture laden/hypothetical/sensationalist features to sell their out-of-date wares to the public anymore, who are vastly ahead of them thanks to the web.
But you’d think after the countless, borderline embarrassing examples in recent memory, enthusiast press would have figured that out by now.
At least the folks at Giant Bomb have seemingly acknowledged this, and vow to “refrain from publishing anything from OPM UK again anytime soon,” so as to not “encourage what was purely link bait.”
Too bad that’s not an industry-wide accepted practice.
The number of times I’ve watched this over the past few days and shaken my head at its sad veiled truthfulness, rather than LOLing at the hilarity, is staggering.
It’s still brilliant though; there really are no words. Bravo, Mega64. It was flawless. 9 out of 10.
Only a 9 out of 10? Look, I haven’t watched the video yet, but I know it’s worth at least a 9.5.
